You tie your first-grader’s shoelaces, do your teenager’s homework, resolve all his conflicts… It seems like this is an expression of love.
But in 20 years your child will come to a psychologist with the question: "Why can't I take responsibility?" Overprotection is a slow poison that destroys the future.
The paradox is that we want to protect children from mistakes, but we deprive them of experience.
Falling off a bike teaches caution, getting a bad grade for not learning a lesson teaches planning, and a fight with a friend teaches communication.
When parents remove all obstacles, the child does not develop "emotional immunity." He grows up, but remains helpless in the face of life's difficulties.
How to find the line between care and control? Start small. Let your child choose his own clothes for kindergarten (even if it's pink pants with a green sweater).
Let him carry the bag himself, even if it is heavy. Every time you want to say "let me do it", ask the question: "What will happen if he manages it himself?" Most often, the consequences are not critical.
Another trap is devaluing feelings. “Don’t cry, it’s nothing,” “don’t be afraid, there’s nothing to be afraid of” — this is how we teach children to suppress emotions.
Try saying instead, "I can see you're upset. Do you want to talk?" It won't take long, but it will build trust.
The hardest part is letting your child be angry with you. Prohibitions, refusals, demands are part of life.
If he yells, "You're a bad mom!", don't make excuses or scold him. Say, "I'm sorry you're so angry. But I can't let you do that."
Over time, he will learn that boundaries are not enemies, but the rules of the game called life.
And finally, children copy not what we say, but what we do. If you want them to be forgiving, show them how you make up after a fight.
If you want people to appreciate you, stop criticizing your reflection in the mirror.
Parenting is not about control, it's about example. And it works even when it seems like no one is watching.
Author: Igor Zur