Adolescence is like a storm: yesterday your child was sharing secrets, and today he is slamming the door and shouting “Leave me alone!”
It seems like the connection is lost forever, but in reality this is the stage when the child learns to be an adult.
And here your task is not to control, but to become a reliable anchor. Here are some rules that will help you maintain trust, even if it seems that everything is going wrong.
First, stop interrogating. Questions like "Where have you been?" or "Why are you silent again?" cause resistance.
A teenager sees this not as concern, but as mistrust. Instead, talk about your day, share something personal - this way you will show that communication can be two-way.
The second rule is to respect boundaries. Reading messages, unexpectedly checking the room or commenting on appearance is an invasion of personal territory.
Even if you feel like you have a “right,” your teenager will perceive this as a betrayal.
Third, avoid categorical judgments. Phrases like “Your hobby is stupid” or “You’re friends with the wrong people” make a teenager defensive. Try to be genuinely interested in his hobby, even if you don’t understand anime or rap.
Secret number four: Admit your mistakes. If you've lost your temper or punished unfairly, say so. Teenagers value honesty more than perfection.
Fifth, don't devalue problems. "Are you suffering because of love? When you grow up, you'll understand that this is nonsense!" - such words will make a teenager withdraw.
For him, his first crush or a conflict with a friend is a real drama. It’s better to ask: “How can I help?” – even if the help consists only of hugs and a cup of tea.
And finally: don't be afraid to let go. A teenager must try, make mistakes and make choices - this is the only way he will learn responsibility.
Your role is not to dictate, but to support. Believe me, if you weather this storm with patience and respect, in a few years your adult child will thank you.
Author: Igor Zur