Words, like knives, can cut deeply but subtly. A child who is called “stupid” or “slob” may carry that stigma for decades.
Parents often say dangerous phrases automatically, without thinking about how they will affect the psyche.
Here are seven expressions that you should permanently erase from your vocabulary if you don't want your words to become your child's inner voice.
"You're just like your father/mother!" - this phrase sounds especially poisonous if there are conflicts in the family. The child perceives it as "You inherited the bad", which forms shame for oneself and a break in relations with the parent who is pointed at.
"You can't do anything, let me do it" - this is how you convey a lack of faith in his abilities. Even if the child copes slowly, it is better to offer help, rather than take away the initiative.
"Here I am at your age..." - comparing yourself to yourself in the past makes a child feel worse. He is not obliged to repeat your path, he has his own life and his own speed.
"Don't talk nonsense" or "You're too young to understand" - these words kill the desire to share thoughts. The child closes off, and over time, you may stop hearing what's going on in his world altogether.
"If you behave like this, I will stop loving you" is manipulation that teaches a child that love must be earned. In adulthood, this can turn into dependence on other people's opinions and fear of rejection.
"You're a girl/boy!" - gender stereotypes limit. A girl is not obliged to be quiet, and a boy is not obliged to hold back tears. Such phrases deprive the child of the right to individuality.
"When I die, then you'll understand!" is not only blackmail, but also intimidation. Children take such words literally, begin to fear losing their parents and live in constant anxiety.
What to say instead: Emphasize that you love your child no matter what, even when you’re angry. Ask “What do you think?” more often to develop critical thinking.
And remember: even if you lose your temper, it’s important to apologize. A sincere “I’m sorry, I was wrong” won’t undermine your authority, but will show that mistakes can be corrected.
Author: Igor Zur
