Have you caught your son lying about unfinished homework or your daughter hiding a bad grade? Before you scold, think: wasn't it you who taught him to lie?
Children are not born with the ability to lie - they learn it from adults.
In teach your child to lie
For example, when dad asks you to say on the phone that he is not home, or mom whispers: “Don’t tell grandma that we ate fast food.”
The child sees that the truth is sometimes inconvenient and begins to adapt. But there are also more subtle points.
You react too harshly to mistakes.
If a broken cup is followed by a scandal, next time he will prefer to hide the shards under the sofa. Fear of punishment is the best teacher of lies. The way out?
Create a space where your child is not afraid to tell the truth, even if it is unpleasant. Explain that mistakes are part of life, not the end of the world.
And most importantly, watch your behavior. Your honesty will be the main example for him.
But why do children lie even to those who don’t punish them?
Sometimes the reason is overprotection. You want to know every step of the child: who he communicates with, what he eats, what he thinks about.
He feels that his personal space is disappearing and begins to defend himself with lies. For example, he says that he was visiting a friend, but he was actually walking in the park.
This is not a rebellion - it is an attempt to keep a part of life only for himself. To avoid this, give him the right to secrets.
Ask, "Do you want to talk about this?" instead of "I need to know." Trust is built on respecting boundaries.
Another reason for lying is the desire to meet your expectations.
If you praise your child only for A's, he will start to hide C's. If you admire his "good behavior", he will mask anger or sadness.
Children want to be loved in any way, but often feel that parental love is conditional.
Show that you value him not for his accomplishments, but simply for who he is. Say, “I care about how you feel, even if it’s uncomfortable.” This will let him know that it’s safe to be honest.
But what if lying has already become a habit?
Don't interrogate with bias. Instead of "You're lying again!" ask: "Why do you think it's important for me to know the truth?"
Give him a chance to explain himself without fear. If he confesses, thank him for his honesty, even if you have to discuss the consequences.
For example: “Thanks for telling me you broke the vase. Let’s figure out together how to avoid this in the future.” This will shift the focus from punishment to problem solving.
And remember: lying is a symptom, not a disease.
Look for the root cause — fear, shame, loneliness. Maybe your child is lying because he is being made fun of at school and you are too busy to notice his depression. Or he is afraid that you will be disappointed if you find out that he likes music instead of math.
Pay attention to the little things. Sometimes behind a lie there is a cry for help that is important to hear.
Author: Igor Zur