If you think your child hates you “for no reason,” then you’ve become a victim of a generational war where TikTok is the weapon and your values are the target.
According to a study in the Journal of Adolescence (2024), 70% of teenagers consider their parents “morally obsolete.”
“Gen Z sees the world through a screen, and we try to explain life to them through newspapers,” psychologist Jonathan Haidt said on Joe Rogan’s podcast.
The root of the conflict is the digital divide
A Common Sense Media study found that teens spend 9 hours a day on social media, and 60% of parents don't even know what VSCO or Discord are.
“When my mother asked who ‘this Elon Musk of yours’ was, I realized: we are from different planets,” wrote 16-year-old Nikita.
Digital culture expert Douglas Rushkoff warns: “Parents who don’t learn new technologies become enemies in the eyes of their children.”
The main reason for hatred is hypercontrol
“You must be accountable for every step!” is a demand that, according to Stanford University , causes a feeling of rebellion in teenagers in 89% of cases.
"My mom put surveillance on my phone. Now I write her fake routes, and I walk wherever I want," admitted 15-year-old Vika.
What to do
Psychologist Gordon Neufeld suggests the “bridge method”: instead of prohibitions, take an interest in the teenager’s world.
"I downloaded TikTok and asked my daughter to teach me how to make memes. Now we laugh together instead of arguing," says the mother of 14-year-old Sonya.
Hidden reasons
For example, the fear of teenagers not living up to your expectations.
According to the Child Mind Institute , 55% of teenagers lie to their parents to avoid criticism.
"My dad wanted me to become a lawyer. When I said I dreamed of music, he called me a loser. Now I hate him and the guitar," wrote 17-year-old Arthur in an anonymous chat.
Another factor is the pressure of social networks. Teenagers compare your "boring" life with the glamorous stories of bloggers.
A study by the Royal Society for Public Health (2024) has proven that Instagram and TikTok increase anxiety levels in teenagers by 40%.
"I'm embarrassed to invite friends to our old house after seeing their villas on Instagram," admitted 16-year-old Mark.
But the most painful aspect is the misunderstanding of emotions.
Psychologist Lisa Damer writes in her book Emotional Intelligence 2.0: “Parents ask, ‘How are you doing at school?’ and hear, ‘Leave me alone!’ What the child really wants to scream is, ‘I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you!’”
Example: 14-year-old Lisa smashed her phone after her father said, "You'll never amount to anything!" It later turned out that she was afraid she wouldn't get into his dream university.
Gen Z doesn't hate you. They hate your unwillingness to understand that their world is not yours. And if you don't come over to their side, they'll find someone who will.
Author: Igor Zur