The child says he washed his hands, although he was not even in the bathroom. He claims he did not take the tablet, although it is warm.
You catch your child lying and get angry: "Why are you lying? You can't lie!"
But what if the reason is not his “bad character”, but… your reaction?
Yes, you heard right. Children start lying not because they want to deceive, but because they are afraid of losing your love.
Every time a child tells the truth and is yelled at, punished, or given a disappointed look, he concludes, "Honesty = pain."
His brain remembers that in order to stay safe, he needs to hide reality. For example, if he is deprived of cartoons for breaking a cup, next time he will say that the wind blew it away.
If he gets scolded for a bad mark in his diary, he will hide the diary. A lie becomes a shield, not a weapon.
But there is another reason, which is embarrassing to admit even to oneself. Children lie when they see that their parents live in a world of illusions.
If you say every day, "We're doing great!" while ignoring arguments and financial problems, your child will copy this model. He will understand that the truth is what is convenient, not what is actually true.
How to break this cycle? Start with yourself. Admit your mistakes out loud: "I snapped at you for no reason today, I'm sorry. Mom makes mistakes sometimes too." This will show that honesty is not punished, but respected.
And most importantly, separate the action from the person. Instead of "You're a liar!" say: "I'm sad that you hid the truth. Let's think about how to fix the situation."
A child should know that even if he lies, your love for him will not disappear.
Over time, the need to lie will disappear on its own - because trust will become stronger than fear.
Author: Kurchev Anton