Do you consider yourself a progressive parent? Don't be so quick to nod. According to the Journal of Child Psychology, 60% of moms and dads believe their parenting style is "perfect," but their kids secretly dream of running away from home.
"Narcissistic parents are raising a generation of losers," psychologist Jordan Peterson sternly stated on Joe Rogan's podcast.
We offer a test that will show in 2 minutes whether you are repeating the mistakes that ruin the lives of children.
An authoritarian style, which many confuse with discipline, increases the risk of depression in adolescents by 55% (American Psychological Association, 2022).
"Dad decided everything for me - from a club to a university. At 25, I can't even choose a menu in a restaurant," Alena admits in the "Children of Tyrants" Telegram chat.
But permissiveness is not a solution either: children of “liberal” parents are three times more likely to drop out of university (Journal of Adolescence, 2021).
The golden mean? The democratic style. Professor Diana Baumrind, the author of the classification of parenting styles, claims: “Children whose opinions are respected grow up to be leaders.”
For example, Elon Musk recalled in an interview with Rolling Stone: “My mom would ask, ‘What do YOU want to build?’ That’s why I’m not afraid to take risks.”
Take the test
The child asks to change the section. You:
a) “I know better what you need”;
b) "Let's discuss the pros and cons."
If you chose "a", change your tactics immediately. Otherwise, in 10 years your child will blame you for his failures.
Another marker of a toxic style is the devaluation of emotions. “Don’t cry over nothing!” is a phrase that, according to the Child Mind Institute, increases the risk of anxiety in children. Psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya warns: “The words ‘it’s not scary’ teach a child to lie to himself.”
What about overprotection? A University of Minnesota study (2024) found that children who are overprotected are twice as likely to suffer from financial problems by age 30. “My mom paid my bills until I was 27. When she died, I didn’t know how to pay my bills,” wrote an anonymous user on the Reddit forum.
But there is a downside: children of "indifferent" parents are 4 times more likely to fall into bad company. How to find a balance?
Psychologist Gordon Neufeld offers "attachment theory": "The child must feel that you are his safe haven, not his prison warden."
Take the test
The child got a bad grade. Your reaction:
a) “You are disgracing the family!”
b) "Let's figure out what went wrong."
If "a" is your option, urgently reconsider your approach. Otherwise, in 5 years your child will be afraid to take responsibility.
Author: Igor Zur