“You look nice today”, “Good job clearing away the dishes” – these phrases seem harmless and even useful.
But what if your praise is subtly destroying what you're trying so hard to preserve?
Imagine: you spend the whole day preparing dinner, and in response you hear: "Finally, you made something tasty." A compliment? Or a reproach covered with sugar icing?
Many people don’t even notice how their words become traps that both children and partners fall into.
One of the biggest mistakes is conditional praise. Phrases like "You're so smart when you're not lazy" or "It's so nice when you're not rude" create the feeling in loved ones that they are loved only for "correct" behavior.
Over time, this leads to a fear of making mistakes and a habit of suppressing emotions. Children stop sharing problems so as not to disappoint their parents, and spouses avoid frank conversations, fearing criticism.
Another trap is impersonal compliments. “Beautiful dress,” “Smart move” — such phrases focus on the action, not the person.
This takes the warmth out of the praise. Compare: “I love the colors you chose” versus “You look amazing.” The former sounds like an assessment of the work, the latter like admiration for the person.
How to fix the situation? Learn to praise "inwardly" rather than "outwardly." Instead of "Thank you for your help," say, "It's important to me that you support me."
Focusing on feelings rather than actions helps your loved ones feel your sincerity.
And never use compliments as a tool of manipulation - “You are so kind, so you will help me with the report” - this is not praise, but pressure.
True support does not require rewards, it is unconditional, like the love you once gave to each other.
Author: Igor Zur