When you discover cheating, you are unlikely to run to read articles on “how to forgive.” Rather, you will want to break a plate, turn off your phone, or sob into your pillow.
And that's okay. Betrayal hits where it's most vulnerable: the belief that you knew this person. But it's in the chaos of emotions that you can find a path to healing if you act outside the box.
The first thing you need to do is allow yourself to be angry.
Don't suppress your anger, don't be ashamed of it, but let it out. Write a letter to the offender (without sending it!), break old dishes, beat a pillow.
As long as emotions are locked inside, the wound will not heal. The second step is to stop looking for reasons in yourself. “I don’t earn enough,” “I’ve gotten fat,” “I didn’t pay attention” — these are the traitor’s excuses, not your fault.
The most counterintuitive advice is not to rush into making a decision.
There is no need to get divorced right away or, on the contrary, "close the topic". Take a break. Live separately. Observe: have you become calmer?
Has the constant feeling of anxiety disappeared? Sometimes relationships do get back on track after betrayal. But only if both are ready not to cover up the cracks, but to build a new foundation.
If you decide to give a second chance, set clear rules.
For example: the partner must undergo therapy, open access to social networks, stop communicating with the person with whom he cheated. This is not control, but a way to restore trust.
But be prepared: even after a year, there may be bouts of jealousy or sadness. This is not weakness - it is the result of a deep wound.
And if the relationship ended
Don't blame yourself for "wasted years." Every experience, even painful ones, teaches us something.
Make a list of what you will no longer tolerate in the future. Start rebuilding your boundaries.
And most importantly, don't wear betrayal as a stigma. You haven't become "worse" because you were betrayed. You've become stronger.
Author: Igor Zur