In 2008, a bartender from Naples accidentally revealed a secret that would change his life.
He once said to a scandalous client: "You are right, the world is unfair. But let's make it a little better - let's start with this glass." Within a minute, the ensuing argument turned into a friendly conversation.
How? The magic lies in a technique that psychologists call the "mirror of emotions."

Mirror of emotions
The idea is simple: instead of trying to persuade, you join the mood of your interlocutor, and then imperceptibly change it.
For example, an angry person expects resistance—but if you agree with his anger (“Yes, it’s terrible!”) and then add an unexpected twist (“…but imagine if things were different”), his brain literally reboots.
This works in negotiations, family quarrels, and even flirting. The main thing is to avoid two killer words that turn any dialogue into a war. And no, it’s not “you’re wrong.”
Try to guess before reading further.
Hint: You use one of them every day, thinking it makes you more persuasive.
Now imagine: what if your communication style is not a skill, but a set of patterns that can be cracked in a week?
Killer words: "but" and "should"
Seems harmless? Here's an example: "I understand your anger, but you need to calm down." After "but," everything said before is erased.
The interlocutor hears only the order to “calm down,” which causes a riot.
"Should" includes resistance - no one likes to feel obligated. Replace "but" with "and", and "should" with "can".
"I see you're angry, and I would be seething too if I were you. I wonder what could help right now?" This phrase does not put pressure on you, but invites cooperation.
But how to make the technology work in real time?
Practice the "pause-reflection." When your interlocutor throws an emotional phrase at you ("You always criticize me!"), do not respond immediately.
Take a breath, repeat his thought in your own words (“Do you feel like I point out mistakes a lot?”), and then add a question (“Why do you think this happens?”).
This disarms: a person sees that he has been heard, and aggression decreases. The secret is that people often argue not for the truth, but for the right to be noticed.
What about flirting?
The “70/30 principle” works here. 70% of attention is on the interlocutor (his gestures, intonations, favorite topics), 30% is on yourself.
For example, instead of complimenting his appearance ("You have beautiful eyes"), say something that connects you to his interests: "From the way you talk about your travels, it seems like you have a talent for finding beauty in even the smallest things."
This creates the illusion of closeness - as if you have known him for a long time.
And remember: the best dialogues are those where you are not trying to please, but are genuinely interested in the other person. Even a person who hates you will soften if he feels that you see him not as an enemy, but as a riddle that you want to solve.