In 2023, People magazine published a sensation: 68% of survey participants admitted that they would like to have the “magnetism” of Beyoncé or Ryan Gosling.
But what if this skill could be developed like a muscle? Dr. Vanessa Van Edwards, author of the bestselling book The Science of Charm, said in a TED Talk: “Magnetism is not charisma, it’s a set of algorithms.” But one secret breaks all the rules of etiquette.
What she didn't tell you
A Harvard Business School study has revealed a shocking fact: the most "magnetic" people often ignore the "be nice" rule.
For example, Steve Jobs could demonstratively read a book at meetings if the topic seemed boring to him.
Psychology professor Amy Cuddy explains: "Controlled rudeness creates an aura of exclusivity. People subconsciously want to earn your attention."
But how can this be applied without the risk of being considered a boor?
The habit that coaches don't talk about is the "strategy of selective ignoring."
Twitter founder Jack Dorsey admitted on The Tim Ferriss Show podcast: "I only respond to messages once a day. It forces others to match my rhythm."
Neurobiologist Tatyana Chernigovskaya added in a lecture for Skolkovo: "The brain perceives a deficit of attention as a value. If you are available 24/7, your significance falls."
But how to remain a magnet and not an outcast
The story of Lara Olson, a teacher from Minnesota, became a lesson for millions. She began to apply the “10-second rule”: she paused before answering a question, even if she knew the answer.
A month later, students named her “the most mysterious teacher of the year,” and colleagues began to consult her on every issue.
Dr. Robert Cialdini, author of The Psychology of Influence, comments: “A pause is a nonverbal signal that you are carefully filtering information. This commands respect.”
The danger lies in the distortions
Psychotherapist Esther Perel warns: “If you play hard to get too often, people will think you’re a narcissist.”
That's why TV host Oprah Winfrey combines magnetism with empathy. In her autobiography, she wrote: "I listen as if the person had no one but me. But I interrupt if I sense a falsehood."
What happens if you start today
In 2024, the startup NeuroCharisma conducted an experiment: 500 people implemented 7 habits from Vanessa Van Edwards' list.
After two months, 89% of the participants received promotions or invitations to dates. But the key finding was different: those who abused the described habit lost friends. Magnetism is a balance between mystery and sincerity.
Are you willing to break the rules to become someone who is impossible to forget?
Author: Igor Zur